I found hidden treasure (sorta)

Happy April Fools! Hope nobody got pranked too severely. Me? I got tricked in front of the class. Not surprised if the whole block heard my class laughing. Who would have thought that quiet and passive Science 2 could pull that off? We're so abnormally quiet that the highest decibel level we get to is a buzz. And this is when the teacher is not in class. Yeah, strange.

Well I was doing me some youtube surfing when I felt like listening to Please Bring Honour To Us All. Yes, I'm the kind of female that goes on Disney musical highs, scary no? So somehow I got a whim to click God Help The Outcasts. Wham, I started crying. Here was my longing being sang in the voice of an angel. True, I'm not as unselfish as Esmeralda being wholly human and wholly self-serving and lazy but I've always felt that society has put too much emphasis on being leaders, on being outstanding. We often forget that there are often others who need help and when we do help its only for a few seconds and then we forget them. I always did feel something for those that are unwanted. Dear Jesus, give me more compassion to love the unlovable.



So here we have a girl who has nothing, is nothing. Yet, she prays for others and asks nothing for herself. This is contrasted to the rich who pray in the cathedral for wealth, fame, glory. All the things everyone wants but how many are willing to ask that others be blessed too? True, they are very pitiful, searching to fill an emptiness they cannot explain. But, the problems come when you look at yourself. When you focus only on yourself, you see all that is lacking, all that is ugly in you. When you focus on others, the world is more beautiful.


The comments section was filled with religious rhetoric though, which makes me think people are completely missing the point. Its not that she's praying to a God you don't believe in, its that she's asking for help for others when she herself needs so much too. The purpose is not to make you argue about whether there is a God or not, its about selflessness and the capacity to love those that society find undesirable. Anyone, regardless of status and wealth, who has at anytime dealt with confidence problems or the feeling of being unloved and unwanted should know how horrible it is. And that is why we must reach out. Because even if we are hurting, to stretch out our hands and show love (what little of it we have), it can heal.


I remember some children I had the chance to meet in my old Sunday School. They lived with their moms in a house rented by a kind man. (Yeah, they didn't have a home.) I admit I was a horrible person then, didn't pay them any attention because they were scrawny, mischievous and of a different race. Yeah, I am pretty disgusted with the person I was then. But this is church and I was a student teacher (alright I was a busybody 13 year old) so I had to work with them. I was pretty indifferent until I gave one of the little girls a congratulatory hug. The poor girl looked so happy. Nobody really paid them any attention. The teachers (the adults) just gave them some notice but always went for the cute and lovable ones. Looking back I don't blame them, because it is human to look for the beautiful and ignore the less than perfect.  That little girl and I became friends of sorts and she clung to me afterwards. I think that's what got the rest of them to warm up to me. And I had to give out lots of hugs everytime I was in church. I kicked myself like you have no idea. And that is when I first thought, we neglect those we can help far too often.

So God Help the Outcasts made me tear up, from the beautiful words and from the memories it brought back up. I've gone to another church and don't see them anymore. Its been years already. I'm not exactly what you'd called brilliant. I'm not a social butterfly nor do I excel in co-curricular activities. I don't measure up to the brilliance and leadership abilities that people look for in scholarship holders (blasted things are what I need but are so out of reach). I am just an average girl, living a pretty mediocre life and being far from what people admire. Yet, to know that just by giving hugs, by giving my time and my ear to all their nonsensical little ramblings, I made some children happy, I am glad. Even if the dream I'm chasing now doesn't come true, I think, I'm going to spread a little bit of care, to all the outcasts.

Lets update before school starts!

I figured I should do one of those random posts where I just write what I've been doing lately to satisfy some juvenile urge to reveal all. So nothing will make sense, there will be no theme, nothing will be coherent and topics will jump around for no rhyme or reason. Hmmm..... this could be fun.

I'm sitting at home, with laryngitis. It sucks to speak in a ridiculously hoarse voice and I have resorted to sign language in public, just to annoy my family. Though they're probably glad that I'm quiet, goodness knows how high I raise the decibel levels in the house. I hate not being able to sing, I've never gone so long without singing before. It's awful!

There's a Barbie and Twelve dancing princesses fanfic that I want to update but my plot bunnies aren't translating well on paper... or on my word processor. I'm not sure I want to write about each princess in turn or just write random one-shots. It's a problem..... Gah!

I don't know where to go after Form 5. Should I take Cambridge A levels? South Australian Matriculation? Foundation? Do they even have a Foundation Course for those who want to take medicine? Damn! Why in the world does Malaysian education stop at 17?! And I am not considering Form 6 because it is 2 years and it's longer then all the other courses. Ugghh...... and the icing on the cake is that university costs and arm and a leg. I am so SCREWED!!!!!!!

I've been seeing High School Musical a lot lately. My brother downloaded all three of 'em and we've been watching. I think the songs are nice, but my music preferences are rather varied anyway. Also helps that I'm a teen. Watching all 3 of them rekindled my liking for the Ryan/Kelsi pairing. What can I say, when everyone out there was screaming that "NO! Ryan should have been gay!" I was happily squeeing away. I have a penchant for minor and unusual pairings (Ryan is campy so this IS unusual). It helps that I find Olesya Rulin cute as Kelsi Neilsen and I saw HSM 3 before HSM 2 therefore missing out on the Chad, Ryan baseball game. Not that I don't agree with the folks on tv tropes that it was a rather...... fangirl squeeing moment? But, everyone has their preferences *shrugs. At least Ryelsi (portmanteau couple name, hehe.....) has a decent sized fan following. I've practically been devouring fanfiction on them these couple of days. No real person fics though, to me they are kinda like you're trying to tell actual people how to run their lives and it gets disturbing.

Speaking about campy, the other campy guy that I like is Ruby from Pokemon Special. He's just so interesting! Not to mention that his interactions with Sapphire are just so hilarious!! She is a wild child with complete disregard for social norms. He is a prissy guy who has more interest in making sure his Pokemon are pretty. She doesn't mind getting poop on her nose and goes around in a grass bikini with matching skirt. He can't stand even a little dirt on his clothes and he sews. I am a total sadist for wanting them to be together when they are older. Ehehehe........ it goes right up there next to Lithuania/Belarus. Yeah, yeah I'm a hypocrite but somehow Hetalia makes everything justifiable. And when exactly is the Hetalia: Paint It White movie showing in Malaysia. 8th December or 29th December?

I don't want to go back to school. I am dreading it with all my heart! I've been going online almost everyday for the past month and a half and have yet to be bored. Sleeping late, waking up late, access to the internet (endless entertainment), can you blame me for not wanting to go back to a routine of homework and co-curricular activities and tuition. Besides, Mi-chan and Chi-chan wouldn't be there now that they've graduated. I'll miss eating lunch with Mi-chan...... TT^TT It's my last year in secondary school and I just feel like time is going so fast. Oops! Did I just reveal my age? Oh pooey.......

Do I have to write and ending? I don't wanna write an ending! How do you write an ending for a piece that has no rhyme or reason for anything that is written. I hate endings. Everything should go on and on and on. Pfft.... open endings are awesome, except for in books. Then they just drive you mad with the "what ifs". Urh... I'll be shutting up now.

Little Women or let us go SQUEEEE

I got my book from scholastic today, yes, book, singular. Books are so expensive in Malaysia and the libraries in my small "city" or more appropriately, town are dreadfully lacking in the quality reading department. I couldn't even find Animal Farm! I tell you my school library is better stocked, but they lost their copy of Animal Farm (its an antique too!) and To Kill a Mockingbird. Sacrilege, I know, the very thought of a library losing books. Or with bare shelves whichever one is scarier to you.  Yes, Ipoh libraries I am looking at you.

So back to the real topic, I finished The Mother-Daughter Book Club by Heather Vogel Frederick in class and I was so happy with all the Little Women references. Yes, I was so giddy and it helps that the characters are likable too. I adore Emma, am rooting for Jess, want to befriend Cassidy, and would like to see Megan continue to improve. Then the next book is about Anne of Green Gables!! Scholastic, please send the catalogue to my school ASAP!

I love Little Women, it's part of my childhood. I was rather sad that Laurie and Jo weren't together though I like Mr Bhaer well enough and feel that Amy has grown tremendously. I was absolutely heartbroken when Beth died but I cried when I read about how Jo coped with the death of her sister. To quote, "Poor Jo, those were dark days for her." Though don't take my word for it since my memory is lousy and I can't vouch for the accuracy of the quote. But then, we're not lawyers and there is no need to be that accurate. Its not like someone's life is hanging in the balance.



 To tell you the truth, I've never seen the musical. I only stumbled on this by chance while surfing Youtube. It's sort of a community hall kinda thing but this is my favourite version. They're so sweet and I like the kite part. All sorts of symbolism without being melodramatic. Yes, I've seen various interpretations of this scene but this is my favourite. Oh, Beth............

Now to soften the blow and the disappointment when Jo rejected Laurie, take a look at this comparison of the proposal scene in the 1994 Little Women movie and the much older Anne of Avonlea movie. Apparently (and I stress it's only hearsay), LM Montgomery was inspired by Jo's rejection to write Anne's rejection of Gilbert's proposal! Thankfully, Anne accepted his second proposal or we would have no "Mrs Doctor Dear" and the world would be a poorer place indeed.



 

Does anyone like musicals?

Or to be more specific, does anyone like "The Fiddler on the Roof"? I rewatched the film today and it surprised me how there were things I didn't notice before. Details like expressions, scenery, songs I didn't like before etc. Now that I'm older, I appreciate Act II better.

"Far from the home I love", "Do you love me", "Chava sequence" and "Anatevka" really stood out for me this time. In fact, I've been rewatching the "Chava sequence" on Youtube instead of searching for K-pop. This act is so much more serious and with a bit more understanding brought by age plus a lot more knowledge on history than I had before, I've come to like this part.

"Chava sequence" or "Chava Ballet" is more dance than song but Topol's face as he sung it just......well, it reduced me to a blubbering mess. He was singing of how he (Tevye) didn't understand the world anymore, how things have changed. Chava started dancing with her mother in the background, then with her sisters. There they were 3 girls playing and dancing around, 3 carefree children. Slowly, they went off hand in hand with their loves, Tzeitel with Motel, Hodel with Perchik. Of course the clincher comes next. Fyedka comes for Chava and as she hesitates between the Fiddler (tradition, the life she's known) and Fyedka (love, an uncertain future) I was just so......heartbroken. And when she chooses Fyedka, slowly the scene changes to Tevye's face as he contemplates this. The pain and hurt in his face was just so........ I don't know what to say. I started sobbing there and I had to grab a lot of tissues during the dialogue bits where Chava asks Tevye to accept her marriage (she married Fyedka secretly that morning) and Tevye is debating it in a monologue. He finally decides that he can't accept this, that it would be tantamount to betraying his faith, his people, and walks away, Chava crying out to him in the background.

I can sort of understand that. One of the first things my mother told me was not to marry outside my religion. They'd act like Tevye had or perhaps they'd react like Golde, a bit more willing to forgive. I'd make them cry terribly of this I'm certain. The pain on Tevye's face, I don't think I'd be able to bear it if I caused them to look like that. And my dad.............

On the other hand, I think my grandparent's were rather outrage when my parents became Christian. My maternal grandparents became Christians eventually, my paternal side is still staunchly Buddhist. No disowning happened.

What should the stance be on this? Follow your heart or traditions? I guess it depends on the situation. I support Chava's decision by the way yet sympathise with Tevye. So, I think my answer is "I don't know".