When I think of Heaven, I see a field that goes on for miles and miles. There is no border in sight and the line between the earth and the sky is blurred as the grass reaches up as if to touch the heavens. Somewhere in the distance, in a way that is impossible, there are trees. In the midst of the field I will walk, and the warm sun that burns bitingly on my skin is relieved by a breeze.
No longer do I dread the feel of soil between my toes or underneath my feet. Nor do I fear the thought of bugs crawling over me, for here there can be no hate or fear. All the petty little things of Earth do not matter anymore and I fear not opinions or people or concepts.
I can walk or run or skip or jump. I can dance if I please or sing on the top of my lungs. And for miles and miles on end, there is not a single person in sight. Just me, the sun, the breeze and the grass.
Showing posts with label Musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Musings. Show all posts
Friday, February 3, 2012
Monday, November 28, 2011
Unfolding doubts
I find I must say something about this thing somewhere and I don't know where to go anymore. College is looming and I am at a loss. We shall not discuss my inability to study or retain information. Rather I'd like to make sense of my jumbled thoughts.
My mother is of the impression that I should take up English or something of that sort. I don't like that idea. I know she doesn't understand why I take science subjects only to do so badly. My tongue does not adjust to languages so easily nor can I fully understand scientific concepts. I am...strange perhaps. Constantly intrigue by things out of my reach. I do not want to take up teaching like she suggests. I know all the poisonous indictments and curses I have mentally hurled at my teachers will come back to bite me. Hard. I have never been a good student, never finished assignments, never prepared properly for a class. I do no revision but last minute revision and still sit somewhere in the middle of the form. They have not found out because I simply do not stand out.
I am not the shining phoenix they wish me to be, no heron among the chickens. I am plain an average, without the academic accomplishments to make up for it. I do not like the idea of becoming a part of the rat race, sheltered child that I am. I don't think I have the skills or personality a corporation would want anyway. I do not wish for the struggles and glory of leadership. I have not much liking for power play and the constant strive for popularity. I am not like those who aggresively impose their will on others. I am mildly competitive and I suppose I do have some leadership abilities but praise and glory do not tempt me much. Just some appreciation will do though I certainly wouldn't mind more.
Papa, mama. Did you know I wouldn't mind working with children or old folk? My heart stirs with sympathy for those who aren't wanted. Do you remember that girl who smiled so happily when I hugged her? I don't want anyone to feel left out. I want to do what I can and hope they'll realize that it's alright, there's someone who'll hug you. I'm scared, because if that's the life God has called me to it's going to be one of hardship. Nothing like the cushy desk job or the exalted life of some rich wife you've wished for me. It'll be a life far removed from the pampered existence you've given me. Somewhere where I'll have to push away little girl fears for people who need me and learn to stand so I can lift those who cannot. I am staring at a million uncertainties and I hate it.
But I want to be a person who will bend down and humble myself to help those who cannot help themselves. I want to be strong so I can be leaned on by those who want to stand up again. I want to be a million things but this one stands out among them all. I want to be someone who can show the Father's heart and let His compassion overflow from me into the lives of all I touch.
My mother is of the impression that I should take up English or something of that sort. I don't like that idea. I know she doesn't understand why I take science subjects only to do so badly. My tongue does not adjust to languages so easily nor can I fully understand scientific concepts. I am...strange perhaps. Constantly intrigue by things out of my reach. I do not want to take up teaching like she suggests. I know all the poisonous indictments and curses I have mentally hurled at my teachers will come back to bite me. Hard. I have never been a good student, never finished assignments, never prepared properly for a class. I do no revision but last minute revision and still sit somewhere in the middle of the form. They have not found out because I simply do not stand out.
I am not the shining phoenix they wish me to be, no heron among the chickens. I am plain an average, without the academic accomplishments to make up for it. I do not like the idea of becoming a part of the rat race, sheltered child that I am. I don't think I have the skills or personality a corporation would want anyway. I do not wish for the struggles and glory of leadership. I have not much liking for power play and the constant strive for popularity. I am not like those who aggresively impose their will on others. I am mildly competitive and I suppose I do have some leadership abilities but praise and glory do not tempt me much. Just some appreciation will do though I certainly wouldn't mind more.
Papa, mama. Did you know I wouldn't mind working with children or old folk? My heart stirs with sympathy for those who aren't wanted. Do you remember that girl who smiled so happily when I hugged her? I don't want anyone to feel left out. I want to do what I can and hope they'll realize that it's alright, there's someone who'll hug you. I'm scared, because if that's the life God has called me to it's going to be one of hardship. Nothing like the cushy desk job or the exalted life of some rich wife you've wished for me. It'll be a life far removed from the pampered existence you've given me. Somewhere where I'll have to push away little girl fears for people who need me and learn to stand so I can lift those who cannot. I am staring at a million uncertainties and I hate it.
But I want to be a person who will bend down and humble myself to help those who cannot help themselves. I want to be strong so I can be leaned on by those who want to stand up again. I want to be a million things but this one stands out among them all. I want to be someone who can show the Father's heart and let His compassion overflow from me into the lives of all I touch.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Some thoughts on the Malaysia brain drain
I've wanted to write something for quite a long time but each time I sit in front of the computer I end up getting distracted. My mom also doesn't like me writing. Like quite a few mums I know, she thinks writing is unproductive and useless. Some people might find this shocking, but might I gently remind you about cultural dissonance.
Reading an email recently, the author mentioned how in his class in America, people were horrified when he gave his opinion that some countries deserved to lose their talented people. Personally, I think in these cases, its very hard to judge the speaker or his listeners. Perhaps they feel that it is an injustice that developing countries be denied the chance to grow. Yet they don't know what it is like to grow up thinking about leaving, not just a small town but the country in general.
Here in Malaysia, things don't look very rosy. It is disconcerting to see the politicians playing up racial issues. It is polarizing the people when what Malaysia needs is unity in order to progress. Young and naive as most of us young people are, the fact that the politicians are only interested in safeguarding their own interests and bank account is pretty evident. Most of us are uninterested in politics because we feel it is boring, dirty and has nothing to do with us. Still, things do trickle down to us. Especially when our parents encourage to leave and never come back.
I come from an "immigrant family", being the third generation to live on this blessed shore. I hear lots of rumors amongst the community about various injustices inflicted. Scholarship applications rejected, places in university programs denied, marking standards brought up and down in public exams, all based on the colour of ones skin. In front of my eyes, I see people leaving for the greener grass on the other side.
People never change. The only things that change is the setting and the knowledge gained. Basic human behaviour is still the same. What people want, is a chance to make a living, a roof over their heads and protection from being exploited. If they can't get what they want here, they simply move. Of course, the more patriotic people may choose to take up arms but Malaysians are a notoriously apathetic lot. We dislike violence and prefer to avoid confrontation. So we pack our bags and get out as soon as our finances allow it.
I love Malaysia but I can't help but get the feeling that it doesn't love me. One-sided relationships are very trying on a person, you know. So I'm another young person who will get on a plane once I have the money and probably never come back. It does pain me to leave a place I love, to leave behind familiarity for a stranger's land. But I have to think of myself. I have to do what's best for me. I will have to leave someday.
Reading an email recently, the author mentioned how in his class in America, people were horrified when he gave his opinion that some countries deserved to lose their talented people. Personally, I think in these cases, its very hard to judge the speaker or his listeners. Perhaps they feel that it is an injustice that developing countries be denied the chance to grow. Yet they don't know what it is like to grow up thinking about leaving, not just a small town but the country in general.
Here in Malaysia, things don't look very rosy. It is disconcerting to see the politicians playing up racial issues. It is polarizing the people when what Malaysia needs is unity in order to progress. Young and naive as most of us young people are, the fact that the politicians are only interested in safeguarding their own interests and bank account is pretty evident. Most of us are uninterested in politics because we feel it is boring, dirty and has nothing to do with us. Still, things do trickle down to us. Especially when our parents encourage to leave and never come back.
I come from an "immigrant family", being the third generation to live on this blessed shore. I hear lots of rumors amongst the community about various injustices inflicted. Scholarship applications rejected, places in university programs denied, marking standards brought up and down in public exams, all based on the colour of ones skin. In front of my eyes, I see people leaving for the greener grass on the other side.
People never change. The only things that change is the setting and the knowledge gained. Basic human behaviour is still the same. What people want, is a chance to make a living, a roof over their heads and protection from being exploited. If they can't get what they want here, they simply move. Of course, the more patriotic people may choose to take up arms but Malaysians are a notoriously apathetic lot. We dislike violence and prefer to avoid confrontation. So we pack our bags and get out as soon as our finances allow it.
I love Malaysia but I can't help but get the feeling that it doesn't love me. One-sided relationships are very trying on a person, you know. So I'm another young person who will get on a plane once I have the money and probably never come back. It does pain me to leave a place I love, to leave behind familiarity for a stranger's land. But I have to think of myself. I have to do what's best for me. I will have to leave someday.
Friday, April 1, 2011
I found hidden treasure (sorta)
Happy April Fools! Hope nobody got pranked too severely. Me? I got tricked in front of the class. Not surprised if the whole block heard my class laughing. Who would have thought that quiet and passive Science 2 could pull that off? We're so abnormally quiet that the highest decibel level we get to is a buzz. And this is when the teacher is not in class. Yeah, strange.
Well I was doing me some youtube surfing when I felt like listening to Please Bring Honour To Us All. Yes, I'm the kind of female that goes on Disney musical highs, scary no? So somehow I got a whim to click God Help The Outcasts. Wham, I started crying. Here was my longing being sang in the voice of an angel. True, I'm not as unselfish as Esmeralda being wholly human and wholly self-serving and lazy but I've always felt that society has put too much emphasis on being leaders, on being outstanding. We often forget that there are often others who need help and when we do help its only for a few seconds and then we forget them. I always did feel something for those that are unwanted. Dear Jesus, give me more compassion to love the unlovable.
So here we have a girl who has nothing, is nothing. Yet, she prays for others and asks nothing for herself. This is contrasted to the rich who pray in the cathedral for wealth, fame, glory. All the things everyone wants but how many are willing to ask that others be blessed too? True, they are very pitiful, searching to fill an emptiness they cannot explain. But, the problems come when you look at yourself. When you focus only on yourself, you see all that is lacking, all that is ugly in you. When you focus on others, the world is more beautiful.
The comments section was filled with religious rhetoric though, which makes me think people are completely missing the point. Its not that she's praying to a God you don't believe in, its that she's asking for help for others when she herself needs so much too. The purpose is not to make you argue about whether there is a God or not, its about selflessness and the capacity to love those that society find undesirable. Anyone, regardless of status and wealth, who has at anytime dealt with confidence problems or the feeling of being unloved and unwanted should know how horrible it is. And that is why we must reach out. Because even if we are hurting, to stretch out our hands and show love (what little of it we have), it can heal.
I remember some children I had the chance to meet in my old Sunday School. They lived with their moms in a house rented by a kind man. (Yeah, they didn't have a home.) I admit I was a horrible person then, didn't pay them any attention because they were scrawny, mischievous and of a different race. Yeah, I am pretty disgusted with the person I was then. But this is church and I was a student teacher (alright I was a busybody 13 year old) so I had to work with them. I was pretty indifferent until I gave one of the little girls a congratulatory hug. The poor girl looked so happy. Nobody really paid them any attention. The teachers (the adults) just gave them some notice but always went for the cute and lovable ones. Looking back I don't blame them, because it is human to look for the beautiful and ignore the less than perfect. That little girl and I became friends of sorts and she clung to me afterwards. I think that's what got the rest of them to warm up to me. And I had to give out lots of hugs everytime I was in church. I kicked myself like you have no idea. And that is when I first thought, we neglect those we can help far too often.
So God Help the Outcasts made me tear up, from the beautiful words and from the memories it brought back up. I've gone to another church and don't see them anymore. Its been years already. I'm not exactly what you'd called brilliant. I'm not a social butterfly nor do I excel in co-curricular activities. I don't measure up to the brilliance and leadership abilities that people look for in scholarship holders (blasted things are what I need but are so out of reach). I am just an average girl, living a pretty mediocre life and being far from what people admire. Yet, to know that just by giving hugs, by giving my time and my ear to all their nonsensical little ramblings, I made some children happy, I am glad. Even if the dream I'm chasing now doesn't come true, I think, I'm going to spread a little bit of care, to all the outcasts.
Well I was doing me some youtube surfing when I felt like listening to Please Bring Honour To Us All. Yes, I'm the kind of female that goes on Disney musical highs, scary no? So somehow I got a whim to click God Help The Outcasts. Wham, I started crying. Here was my longing being sang in the voice of an angel. True, I'm not as unselfish as Esmeralda being wholly human and wholly self-serving and lazy but I've always felt that society has put too much emphasis on being leaders, on being outstanding. We often forget that there are often others who need help and when we do help its only for a few seconds and then we forget them. I always did feel something for those that are unwanted. Dear Jesus, give me more compassion to love the unlovable.
So here we have a girl who has nothing, is nothing. Yet, she prays for others and asks nothing for herself. This is contrasted to the rich who pray in the cathedral for wealth, fame, glory. All the things everyone wants but how many are willing to ask that others be blessed too? True, they are very pitiful, searching to fill an emptiness they cannot explain. But, the problems come when you look at yourself. When you focus only on yourself, you see all that is lacking, all that is ugly in you. When you focus on others, the world is more beautiful.
The comments section was filled with religious rhetoric though, which makes me think people are completely missing the point. Its not that she's praying to a God you don't believe in, its that she's asking for help for others when she herself needs so much too. The purpose is not to make you argue about whether there is a God or not, its about selflessness and the capacity to love those that society find undesirable. Anyone, regardless of status and wealth, who has at anytime dealt with confidence problems or the feeling of being unloved and unwanted should know how horrible it is. And that is why we must reach out. Because even if we are hurting, to stretch out our hands and show love (what little of it we have), it can heal.
I remember some children I had the chance to meet in my old Sunday School. They lived with their moms in a house rented by a kind man. (Yeah, they didn't have a home.) I admit I was a horrible person then, didn't pay them any attention because they were scrawny, mischievous and of a different race. Yeah, I am pretty disgusted with the person I was then. But this is church and I was a student teacher (alright I was a busybody 13 year old) so I had to work with them. I was pretty indifferent until I gave one of the little girls a congratulatory hug. The poor girl looked so happy. Nobody really paid them any attention. The teachers (the adults) just gave them some notice but always went for the cute and lovable ones. Looking back I don't blame them, because it is human to look for the beautiful and ignore the less than perfect. That little girl and I became friends of sorts and she clung to me afterwards. I think that's what got the rest of them to warm up to me. And I had to give out lots of hugs everytime I was in church. I kicked myself like you have no idea. And that is when I first thought, we neglect those we can help far too often.
So God Help the Outcasts made me tear up, from the beautiful words and from the memories it brought back up. I've gone to another church and don't see them anymore. Its been years already. I'm not exactly what you'd called brilliant. I'm not a social butterfly nor do I excel in co-curricular activities. I don't measure up to the brilliance and leadership abilities that people look for in scholarship holders (blasted things are what I need but are so out of reach). I am just an average girl, living a pretty mediocre life and being far from what people admire. Yet, to know that just by giving hugs, by giving my time and my ear to all their nonsensical little ramblings, I made some children happy, I am glad. Even if the dream I'm chasing now doesn't come true, I think, I'm going to spread a little bit of care, to all the outcasts.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Narcissism to the max!
When out to celebrate my birthday with a group of friends today. Actually, my birthday was last Friday and I really spent it with one of my best friends at an eatery. We blew about RM6 on lunch and had a quiet peaceful afternoon before heading to tuition. A luxury because we get RM10 a week. Then I had dinner with my family, threw a hissy fit and...... all things considering it was ok.
So one of us was late, one of us had to wait for her. The three of us left behind were worried throughout the whole movie but lunch was fun at least. We watched I Am Number Four and Mi-chan and I were commenting and predicting where the story was going. With Tvtropes, it wasn't much of a strain. Still, a good movie to shut your brain down too and just let yourself be entertained. I would have wanted to watch The King's Speech but its not showing in Ipoh and its 18+. Bummer. I downloaded it because I couldn't get my hands on it, but if the real dvd is going to be sold here, I'll be in the line.
Lunch was insane. Full stop. The topics were random, like we were determined to screw up each others minds. Mi-chan tellling 2 of them about Black Swan (they forced her to) made me choke on my food. I think I'm going to have nightmares just listening about it. Karaoke after that was even worse. The volume was so loud and ugghhh the Lady Gaga songs one of my friends insisted on singing were nightmare fuel, because she insisted on screaming it. It was entertaining but..... I don't want a repeat performance. So me and Ju-chan retaliated by singing Korean songs that none of them knew.
I had fun, I really did. Most insane day ever! The heck though, I love each and everyone of that crazy bunch. Everyone needs insane friends. Yeah, I'm probably the craziest of them all. Or at least one of the most eccentric.
So one of us was late, one of us had to wait for her. The three of us left behind were worried throughout the whole movie but lunch was fun at least. We watched I Am Number Four and Mi-chan and I were commenting and predicting where the story was going. With Tvtropes, it wasn't much of a strain. Still, a good movie to shut your brain down too and just let yourself be entertained. I would have wanted to watch The King's Speech but its not showing in Ipoh and its 18+. Bummer. I downloaded it because I couldn't get my hands on it, but if the real dvd is going to be sold here, I'll be in the line.
Lunch was insane. Full stop. The topics were random, like we were determined to screw up each others minds. Mi-chan tellling 2 of them about Black Swan (they forced her to) made me choke on my food. I think I'm going to have nightmares just listening about it. Karaoke after that was even worse. The volume was so loud and ugghhh the Lady Gaga songs one of my friends insisted on singing were nightmare fuel, because she insisted on screaming it. It was entertaining but..... I don't want a repeat performance. So me and Ju-chan retaliated by singing Korean songs that none of them knew.
I had fun, I really did. Most insane day ever! The heck though, I love each and everyone of that crazy bunch. Everyone needs insane friends. Yeah, I'm probably the craziest of them all. Or at least one of the most eccentric.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
I promise that this post will be more general.
Warning: 3 large pictures and lots of RL identity markers.
So I procrastinate, what else is new? The main push for today's post is the end of three days of exams, all of which I don't think I did very well. Then again, this is what I do during exams:
Specifically, this is what I did in the History paper. Sadly, I had to rub off whatever doodles I did on the other papers because I had to pass them up. Maybe mid-year exams, on my English paper. :D
Other than this, my life has been pretty boring. Though I have to say, I like being able to sleep now. Believe it or not I actually attempted to study and not give it up as a lost cause before the exams even started. We'll see whether those naggy adults (AKA parents and various teachers) were right about studying = good grades. With the exception of English (which I revise everyday, by reading nonsense) I get whatever "good" results by luck and some frenzied studying on the day of the exam. Needless to say, they aren't very pretty grades. Sigh...... so much for going to college.
Thinking about college makes me feel depressed. Heck, thinking about the future in general makes me depressed! And scared. The products of my cynical and paranoid mind I suppose. I suspect it has more to do with my self-image issues and lack of confidence. I don't know what other people see but when I look like myself I see a pimply, small-eyed girl, who is getting fat and can't be independent to save her life! My rational mind (which is rather vocal but gets shot down anyway) says that I'll find a way to survive somehow, but angsty teenage part says "Survival of the fittest! You're not good enough, ya' big loser".
Luckily, I have other things to channel my pessimism for now. Apparently my school is gonna have a Malaysia Day as this year's school project. Last year was Pesta Ria (Canteen Day), the year before was a ballet concert. This year has got to be the most not fun. Its gonna be a lot of hassle and nothing we're gonna pay to see in the first place. Oh well, that's why we have popular people (or is it gang? They are kinda snobby)! They're gonna do all the work. Obviously since they are the leaders and super amazing people who can afford to take on a 100 different projects and clubs while still getting fantastic grades!
Phew, I'm dizzy from just thinking about it. Commoners like me can't afford to do all that because seriously?! I'm dumb and irresponsible enough to screw it up. Badly. So as in government, the King/Principal decrees some new "project for improvement"; the officials/popular people happily hop to it; the overworked staff/ my poor teachers grumble and persevere; the commoners ignore it, obey when they have to, attend when told and continue with their life. A minor ripple in their placid lives.
And I am not writing that assignment our beloved Principal gave us. She wants us to try and post it in the Star pull-out thing one of our girls got selected for. Something about a platform for airing our views. Hello buddy, my views are politically incorrect, full of complaints and brutally (and I mean brutal) honest observations. I can't toe the line of your sunshiny, "lets be cheerful" image projection for the school. Yeah, I have a bad attitude. Cheer up, I am not gonna air it out. Which is why I am NOT writing anything! Oh what the heck, I'll write it now.
See? I did it! Now don't say I didn't do my homework. Kekekekeke..........
So I procrastinate, what else is new? The main push for today's post is the end of three days of exams, all of which I don't think I did very well. Then again, this is what I do during exams:
 |
| Hetalia makes history....different. |
 | |
| Pfft.... more comments on anthropomorphic nations. Oh, Hetalia..... |
 |
| Good ole' hair curls. Do you know their owners? |
Other than this, my life has been pretty boring. Though I have to say, I like being able to sleep now. Believe it or not I actually attempted to study and not give it up as a lost cause before the exams even started. We'll see whether those naggy adults (AKA parents and various teachers) were right about studying = good grades. With the exception of English (which I revise everyday, by reading nonsense) I get whatever "good" results by luck and some frenzied studying on the day of the exam. Needless to say, they aren't very pretty grades. Sigh...... so much for going to college.
Thinking about college makes me feel depressed. Heck, thinking about the future in general makes me depressed! And scared. The products of my cynical and paranoid mind I suppose. I suspect it has more to do with my self-image issues and lack of confidence. I don't know what other people see but when I look like myself I see a pimply, small-eyed girl, who is getting fat and can't be independent to save her life! My rational mind (which is rather vocal but gets shot down anyway) says that I'll find a way to survive somehow, but angsty teenage part says "Survival of the fittest! You're not good enough, ya' big loser".
Luckily, I have other things to channel my pessimism for now. Apparently my school is gonna have a Malaysia Day as this year's school project. Last year was Pesta Ria (Canteen Day), the year before was a ballet concert. This year has got to be the most not fun. Its gonna be a lot of hassle and nothing we're gonna pay to see in the first place. Oh well, that's why we have popular people (or is it gang? They are kinda snobby)! They're gonna do all the work. Obviously since they are the leaders and super amazing people who can afford to take on a 100 different projects and clubs while still getting fantastic grades!
Phew, I'm dizzy from just thinking about it. Commoners like me can't afford to do all that because seriously?! I'm dumb and irresponsible enough to screw it up. Badly. So as in government, the King/Principal decrees some new "project for improvement"; the officials/popular people happily hop to it; the overworked staff/ my poor teachers grumble and persevere; the commoners ignore it, obey when they have to, attend when told and continue with their life. A minor ripple in their placid lives.
And I am not writing that assignment our beloved Principal gave us. She wants us to try and post it in the Star pull-out thing one of our girls got selected for. Something about a platform for airing our views. Hello buddy, my views are politically incorrect, full of complaints and brutally (and I mean brutal) honest observations. I can't toe the line of your sunshiny, "lets be cheerful" image projection for the school. Yeah, I have a bad attitude. Cheer up, I am not gonna air it out. Which is why I am NOT writing anything! Oh what the heck, I'll write it now.
My First Three Months at School
By Ic-chan
By Ic-chan
A complete nightmare.
See? I did it! Now don't say I didn't do my homework. Kekekekeke..........
Monday, December 13, 2010
I like stuff others don't know/don't like
This makes me totally frustrated because there is no fan material on the pairings or characters I like! I can't write them by myself, I often don't have any ideas and I prefer reading about them, discovering new insights on them through someone else's eyes but damn it because my pairings/characters are obscure/rarely known/unloved/side characters!!!!! They get no love. Except NejiXHinata, I'm so glad that Japan doesn't mind cousin marriages.
Now before anybody accuses me of being a sicko (all you yaoi fangirls out there are sickos in someone else's eyes too), might I add that in my culture its perfectly alright to marry cousins. Yes, even your father's brother's children. Yes, there are people who do marry their cousins. As a result, I really have no qualms about this, so it amuses me to see comments like "Incest! Eww......" and "Won't they have mutated babies?". It doesn't amuse me to see comments like "Neji and Hinata wouldn't do that! Neji belongs to Tenten and Hinata to Naruto/anyone else! You should go to hell for writing this!!!!!"
In a fandom as big as Naruto's, you kiddies should learn to respect others preferences and just plain don't read a fic that doesn't agree with you. The right to not read is a basic readers right. Besides, the sooner you learn tolerance without compromising your own beliefs the sooner you will be on your way to a decent adult. To make it clear, I don't mean that you condone it and sacrifice your beliefs. Everyone has their own beliefs and opinions and if you respect that people are more likely to respect yours. Yeah I'm a digressing hypocrite but this is only a suggestion. You don't have to take it.
I really want it but I can't seem to find the official Malay translation anymore. The truth is I really want to see the 2nd story, That Sweet Organ Song, again. I borrowed it from a friend a long time ago and the story was so good that it stuck in my mind. So I want it! And I will buy it, even if my miser image cracks a bit.
That Sweet Organ Song is a period piece set in the 1920s between a the son of a rich merchant, Shotaro and a girl who works in a bookstore, Setsu. Setsu wants to be a teacher, despite the fact that poverty has stopped her from continuing her education and Shotaro wants to be a composer, even if he is the only heir to his father's business. The story builds up their relationship nicely and the bittersweet ending caught me by surprise! I really thought it would be one of those "love conquers all stories" where the protagonists will be poor but happy and everyone lives happily ever after. Not a chance. Which is why I love it so, because the ending makes it so memorable. When Setsu, now an old woman, hears Shotaro's song being played on tv, I was so touched. She got her wish to be a witness when Shotaro's song was passed on to the future generation!
Gah, the bloody problem is that very few people have read it and I can find little to no information on it! Nobody can tell me where I can buy it in my area and nobody writes their opinion on it either, something I like to read too. Sigh, my poor under-appreciated interests.
Now before anybody accuses me of being a sicko (all you yaoi fangirls out there are sickos in someone else's eyes too), might I add that in my culture its perfectly alright to marry cousins. Yes, even your father's brother's children. Yes, there are people who do marry their cousins. As a result, I really have no qualms about this, so it amuses me to see comments like "Incest! Eww......" and "Won't they have mutated babies?". It doesn't amuse me to see comments like "Neji and Hinata wouldn't do that! Neji belongs to Tenten and Hinata to Naruto/anyone else! You should go to hell for writing this!!!!!"
In a fandom as big as Naruto's, you kiddies should learn to respect others preferences and just plain don't read a fic that doesn't agree with you. The right to not read is a basic readers right. Besides, the sooner you learn tolerance without compromising your own beliefs the sooner you will be on your way to a decent adult. To make it clear, I don't mean that you condone it and sacrifice your beliefs. Everyone has their own beliefs and opinions and if you respect that people are more likely to respect yours. Yeah I'm a digressing hypocrite but this is only a suggestion. You don't have to take it.
It seems like my tendency for obscurity is going into manga. For instance has anyone seen this:
That Sweet Organ Song is a period piece set in the 1920s between a the son of a rich merchant, Shotaro and a girl who works in a bookstore, Setsu. Setsu wants to be a teacher, despite the fact that poverty has stopped her from continuing her education and Shotaro wants to be a composer, even if he is the only heir to his father's business. The story builds up their relationship nicely and the bittersweet ending caught me by surprise! I really thought it would be one of those "love conquers all stories" where the protagonists will be poor but happy and everyone lives happily ever after. Not a chance. Which is why I love it so, because the ending makes it so memorable. When Setsu, now an old woman, hears Shotaro's song being played on tv, I was so touched. She got her wish to be a witness when Shotaro's song was passed on to the future generation!
Gah, the bloody problem is that very few people have read it and I can find little to no information on it! Nobody can tell me where I can buy it in my area and nobody writes their opinion on it either, something I like to read too. Sigh, my poor under-appreciated interests.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
I've been crying more than usual, I wonder why.......
So I've been reading stuff that made me cry lately (but that was obvious), too touching/sad and whatever other reasons that make my over sensitive tear ducts work overtime. Yeah, I cry easily.
First one would be Cat Street. It's a really sweet slice of life manga revolving around the life of 4 friends who study at the El Liston free school. I admit the art took some time to get used to, but I fell in love with the story so it ceased to matter after some time.
First one would be Cat Street. It's a really sweet slice of life manga revolving around the life of 4 friends who study at the El Liston free school. I admit the art took some time to get used to, but I fell in love with the story so it ceased to matter after some time.
Aoyama Keito was a child actress who, after embarassing herself during a stage performance, lives the life of a recluse for 7 years. Bizarre and a rather flimsy plot excuse because we've all embarassed ourselves and not wanted to face the world afterward yet we still do. Then again Keito's stubbornness and her lack of knowledge concerning social conventions, due to being busy working during her childhood, could make this poor excuse stretch.
Despite that, this story has got to be one of those stories that touch the heart. It is one of those slow, peaceful stories that really shows its characters growth, so its not for those searching for an action packed or even a romantic story. There is romance, it is a shoujo manga after all (by the author of Hana Yori Dango no less), but the highlight to me was Keito coming out of her shell. I was so invested in Keito's growth, in her change from that lifeless, anti-social girl into a confident , mature and talented actress. I was just touched...... and ridiculously happy to see her change. I cried tears of happiness here.
The other story was Anatolia Story/ Red River/ Sora wa Akai Kawa no Hotori. The truth is, I really have no patience with this story. Its your typical run of the mill, girl from the future ends up in the past/alternate world story and all the other tropes that you would associate with it, with added smut. Granted, I'm a bit biased since Fushigi Yuugi Genbu Kaiden upped the standard for me. My pace through it is laughably slow, 18 chapters in 3-4 days! That's longer than I took with Cat Street or even Sailor Moon. Its not a bad story per se, I like it more than Fushigi Yuugi (its redeeming point was bishies and nice art.....and being a pioneer of the reverse harem, you gotta give it credit for daring to do that), its just that it is a bit old and other people have copied most of its ideas. Also I have come to a stage in my life where romance stories are beginning to seem cliche.
To tell you the truth the only reason I'm sticking to it is to get to the Ramses part, whom the fandom seems to consider hot stuff (well I am in search of bishies) and the villains' love story. Somebody said it was the most poignant romance they'd read. Yes, Nakia is horrible, they are pure evulz but the way an author handles the bad guys is a mark of how good their storytelling ability is to me. Ok, I also can enjoy stories where the bad guys are evil just because they are such deprave individuals, so I can hate their guts out. Yul's mother in Goong is an example. I respect her cunning though.
Why did I cry over this? I cheated and jumped straight to Urhi's past. The poor guy has been through so much! I cried because of how much of a waste it was and well, I pitied them terribly. And Nakia, what was her story? The manga doesn't really address that I think, I don't know, I haven't finish. How was she raised? I'm intrigued by her background, I want to know her reasons. Was the Babylonian court as dangerous and deceitful as the Chinese court? If yes, then I can come up with dozens of theories and possible scenarios that can shape Nakia into who she became. For instance, did Nakia grow up among jealous court women who poisoned each other and caused miscarriages to prevent someone from gaining favour?
Last thing is a Narnia fanfiction about Susan. I'd wondered why she wasn't with the Pevensies at the end in Aslan's country just because of lipsticks and nylons. Then I realized that I'd been somewhat influenced by a publication I read and on closer inspection of the story I found out it wasn't solely because of that. This fanfic addresses that issue perfectly and is such a heartwarming story. Susan's redemption is done beautifully and I really recommend it for all those who had wished that Susan had gotten a better ending. The author deals with the Christian symbolism tastefully and it meshes well with the story without seeming too heavy handed. Don't believe me? Read it for yourself, yeah, its that good. http://honorh.livejournal.com/226358.html
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Who wants to be a missionary?
Maranatha! What brought this on? Just a little something I found in the newspaper, that's all. Maranatha is now my "word" of the day. Hehe.....
I've been hearing some rather interesting views lately, especially the new (all right its new only to me) concept of "reverse missionaries". Essentially, it means that people from countries which are traditionally regarded as non-Christian/pagan will go to countries that used to send missionaries. Imagine, Asian and African missionaries spreading the gospel to America and Europe! That thought somehow makes me giddy.
Anybody can tell that so-called Christian nations are in fact increasingly reverting back to paganism, while in other parts of the world the reverse is increasingly becoming true. In one article I read (accuracy needs to be confirmed), there are more Christians in Africa than in America and Europe combined!
Yet, there are still some who in their arrogance and ignorance assume that things are as they were. Christianity has never been a western religion. It did not originate there but in the Middle East. Now, it is going back there, going full circle, and taking others that were not reached with it.
So, who wants to go to North America and Europe as missionaries? Be warned that you will face prosecution. Yet, consider it as doing them a favour. Once they brought the gospel to you, now you will take it back to them.
PS: Remember also the minority groups in China. They still need translations of the Bible in their own languages.
I've been hearing some rather interesting views lately, especially the new (all right its new only to me) concept of "reverse missionaries". Essentially, it means that people from countries which are traditionally regarded as non-Christian/pagan will go to countries that used to send missionaries. Imagine, Asian and African missionaries spreading the gospel to America and Europe! That thought somehow makes me giddy.
Anybody can tell that so-called Christian nations are in fact increasingly reverting back to paganism, while in other parts of the world the reverse is increasingly becoming true. In one article I read (accuracy needs to be confirmed), there are more Christians in Africa than in America and Europe combined!
Yet, there are still some who in their arrogance and ignorance assume that things are as they were. Christianity has never been a western religion. It did not originate there but in the Middle East. Now, it is going back there, going full circle, and taking others that were not reached with it.
So, who wants to go to North America and Europe as missionaries? Be warned that you will face prosecution. Yet, consider it as doing them a favour. Once they brought the gospel to you, now you will take it back to them.
PS: Remember also the minority groups in China. They still need translations of the Bible in their own languages.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Ara? I'm writing again?
I think I might be a contender for "World Champion for Procrastination". Notice the reeaaallllyyyy long interval between blog posts. Sigh, me and schedules just can't mix it seems, such a pity.
Though I'm pretty sure no one looks here anymore, I felt like writing, for nostalgia's sake. I've not been writing lately. It's 1/2 parts laziness, no ideas and pondering on self censorship. Should we practice self censorship on the things we post online? Does "Freedom of Speech" have a limit? I really have no idea.
On one hand, it's quite a relief to just rant and give your opinion. On the other hand, what you write might just come back to bite you in the arse. I know how words can be twisted, I've seen how dangerous it is. Your very life could depend on the immature words of your youth. When people want to get rid of you, anything goes. And if they have a good lawyer, kiss yourself goodbye!
So where are the boundaries? What can you write? According to government propaganda (Moral class, it serves no other purpose), freedom of speech means: no discussing "sensitive issues" e.g. race, religion, government policy, corruption etc. What in the world do we talk about?! I think people want to discuss such things and besides its in human nature to break laws. Not to mention, people like airing their views regardless of who is listening.
So what is "Freedom of Speech"? Must we check ourselves for writing "sensitive" topics? Isn't everyone biased at heart? And is there any truth in the old sayings telling you to think before you speak?
Though I'm pretty sure no one looks here anymore, I felt like writing, for nostalgia's sake. I've not been writing lately. It's 1/2 parts laziness, no ideas and pondering on self censorship. Should we practice self censorship on the things we post online? Does "Freedom of Speech" have a limit? I really have no idea.
On one hand, it's quite a relief to just rant and give your opinion. On the other hand, what you write might just come back to bite you in the arse. I know how words can be twisted, I've seen how dangerous it is. Your very life could depend on the immature words of your youth. When people want to get rid of you, anything goes. And if they have a good lawyer, kiss yourself goodbye!
So where are the boundaries? What can you write? According to government propaganda (Moral class, it serves no other purpose), freedom of speech means: no discussing "sensitive issues" e.g. race, religion, government policy, corruption etc. What in the world do we talk about?! I think people want to discuss such things and besides its in human nature to break laws. Not to mention, people like airing their views regardless of who is listening.
So what is "Freedom of Speech"? Must we check ourselves for writing "sensitive" topics? Isn't everyone biased at heart? And is there any truth in the old sayings telling you to think before you speak?
Monday, March 16, 2009
Random Musing on: Loss
Loss. Ever occurred to you? Ever felt that strange melancholy feeling when something is lost? Why, I wonder? Why does it feel so when we've lost? Why do we feel extra happy when we've somehow got it back? Why do we not know until we've lost it, then we feel the regret, why?
It's true isn't it? We never really notice until its gone. Yes, gone, lost to us. We take things, people, everything for granted. We even take oxygen for granted! Until, until we're out of breath, to the point of suffocation. Yes, we notice it then, notice how important it is to us, how we literally cannot live without it.
They say you never really miss the water until it's gone, and by then, it's too late. We're foolish like that. Never knowing, never noticing, until its too late. Too late to change anything no matter how much we want to. The water has gone, it's beyond our reach, it is not the same anymore because technically the water isn't the same anymore. Confusing isn't it? Water is still water, you say, no matter how it flows. Ah, flow......yes...............that's the key word. Water flows, it's never in the same place. Take it this way, that drop of H2o that just passed you has really passed you and is flowing into the sea. Notice drop, it never stays the same.
Time, we treat it the same. We waste it, we don't know until its gone. Air, water, the earth beneath our feet, yes, we forget them until we lose them. People, oh, we are guilty of taking them for granted. Yes, I plead guilty too. I plead guilty to ignoring people, not appreciating them, thinking they will always be there. When really, it's not true. They won't be there forever. They will move, miles and miles away, or I will move. There are many ways to be separated.
I would love to regret, but of what use is it? Regret, regret because of loss. How it hurts. Yes, it hurts. We have it, we lose it, we regret it's lost. Sometimes it never comes back. Sometimes it does.
We lose many things. We suffer, yes that is the right word, from lost. We suffer. Yet, there is still hope. Appreciation, yes, we can show appreciation. Not say it, show it. After all, actions speak louder than words.
It's true isn't it? We never really notice until its gone. Yes, gone, lost to us. We take things, people, everything for granted. We even take oxygen for granted! Until, until we're out of breath, to the point of suffocation. Yes, we notice it then, notice how important it is to us, how we literally cannot live without it.
They say you never really miss the water until it's gone, and by then, it's too late. We're foolish like that. Never knowing, never noticing, until its too late. Too late to change anything no matter how much we want to. The water has gone, it's beyond our reach, it is not the same anymore because technically the water isn't the same anymore. Confusing isn't it? Water is still water, you say, no matter how it flows. Ah, flow......yes...............that's the key word. Water flows, it's never in the same place. Take it this way, that drop of H2o that just passed you has really passed you and is flowing into the sea. Notice drop, it never stays the same.
Time, we treat it the same. We waste it, we don't know until its gone. Air, water, the earth beneath our feet, yes, we forget them until we lose them. People, oh, we are guilty of taking them for granted. Yes, I plead guilty too. I plead guilty to ignoring people, not appreciating them, thinking they will always be there. When really, it's not true. They won't be there forever. They will move, miles and miles away, or I will move. There are many ways to be separated.
I would love to regret, but of what use is it? Regret, regret because of loss. How it hurts. Yes, it hurts. We have it, we lose it, we regret it's lost. Sometimes it never comes back. Sometimes it does.
We lose many things. We suffer, yes that is the right word, from lost. We suffer. Yet, there is still hope. Appreciation, yes, we can show appreciation. Not say it, show it. After all, actions speak louder than words.
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